Playing dad's way

Her big eyes widen in surprised delight every time she’s lifted up high above your head. And she beams as she comes down, caught safely in your warm hands. You’re laughing and she’s laughing, and it feels good to be a dad.

Often, this ‘rough and tumble’ is seen to be a dad-thing, enjoyed by both dad and child. Encouraging risks in play - climb the tree a bit higher, balance on the wall – are the kinds of risky play that are often viewed as stereotypically ‘dad’. But many fathers want to play this way. James thought that the risky side of play was “probably what being dad’s all about” because it was something that dads often did differently to mums.

Tony, who shared the childcare of his toddler with his wife, said:“I play rough with James in a way that my wife doesn’t. Women don’t get male rough play, but male animals just enjoy - and it’s fun. It’s fun for me to throw James around and he loves it. There are ways that men play with children which are different from the way women do. And there are ways men are with children which are just different from the ways women are.”

Charlie, a full-time childcare worker with a new baby wondered whether men were more involved in the “physical play and things with children. I’m very much a rough and tumbler with Jasmine - even though she’s so tiny. And Anna (ed. his wife) to a certain degree does, but Anna’s very much more strokey, strokey, carey, carey.”

Others fathers have commented how some activities – like coffee mornings and chats – are enjoyed more by mums than by dads. And other research with fathers who take on primary childcare roles often point out how dads tend to do activities with the children that are linked to the father’s interests, like sport (Brandth & Kvande 1998, Doucet 2006).

What do you think? Do you play with your children in ways that are different to your partner? Would you rather roll around with your children or paint a picture? Is rough play a dad-thing? And does it depend on the time of day?

Add your thoughts in the comments box below.

Weekend is the daddy of all daddy shifts

It’s Friday and according to the results of my second snapshot poll, lots of fathers will be gearing up for their weekend daddy shift. My PhD research also indicated that weekends were seen as quality time that gives both family time and personal time.

My poll asked about when fathers take on childcare responsibilities. The weekend topped the list. Again, the poll was run live on two sites for a few weeks: this blog and a business networking site.

100% of respondents from the business networking site claimed that fathers took on childcare responsibilities at weekends. The results from this blog were more diverse, but still backed up weekends as being a prime daddy shift. On this blog, 62% put weekends as well as evenings as being daddy shift times. This was followed by a few hours during week days (56%). While these votes are anonymous, many of my blog’s readers are fathers who work from home or stay-at-home dads. 12% also indicated that the daddy shift is all day midweek, with one voter claiming that fathers never did any childcare.

Interestingly, 25% indicated other times. I am curious to know what these ‘other times’ are, so anyone who voted this or can think of any, please leave your comments. In my own research, these other times were linked to ‘events’ rather than regular and specific times of the week. For example, school holidays or when childcare arrangements break down. Many fathers step up to do a daddy shift in ‘emergencies’.

In my PhD research, fathers were doing a daddy shift when mothers were absent either because of paid work, leisure or because they could not get around. Significantly, it also took place around fathers’ work hours rather than around mothers’ work hours. Mothers were still changing their working patterns much more than fathers as a result of childcare. 25% of the fathers in this research were looking after children on their own during weekends or evenings. A similar number had also been doing this midweek during the daytime.

Midweek daycare was often undertaken by fathers who had flexible work arrangements and whose partners were earning more than they were. But this pattern fluctuated as employment circumstances altered over time. Many of these fathers had done this but were no longer doing it. A daddy shift over the weekend or on evenings is the easiest time for many fathers as it often falls outside of traditional core working hours. But, it is also the time that separated fathers are given to spend with their non-resident children.

Is the image of a ‘weekend dad’ becoming a stereotype for contemporary fatherhood? And how many fathers would change their working hours so that they can do childcare during the week?

The daddy shift: when do fathers care?

The majority of fathers in the UK work full-time jobs while a high percentage of mothers work part-time and their reference to a double-shift of paid work and unpaid childcare remains common. For these parents, the ‘daddy shift’ in childcare is often very important. By the ‘daddy shift’ I am referring to childcare that fathers do on their own. And the numbers of fathers involved in doing this is growing. In my research, just under half of the fathers interviewed were doing the ‘daddy shift’

The daddy shift is important for mothers who want a break from childcare or who want or need to earn money. The daddy shift is also important for those working fathers who want to develop caring and loving relationships with their children.

The daddy shift tends to take place in the evenings or on weekends – outside of typical working hours. These times are often seen as being family time or quality time that is off-limits to employers. For a growing minority, the daddy shift also takes place during the day (Mon – Fri), times which are traditionally for mother care.

Interestingly, in my research, the daddy shift took place because mothers were absent from the home or unavailable to care. This is either due to paid work, education, leisure or illness. Many fathers said that the daddy shift – looking after children on your own – was hard work. This was especially the case with young children and for long stretches of time. Many fathers claimed that needing a break from fulltime childcare was necessary for them. It is often after experiencing the ‘daddy shift’ that fathers either choose to become more involved and to share the care with mothers – or to back away from it.

Importantly, many fathers looked to other fathers to see what they were doing. The more that people talk about sharing care and doing things differently, the more ‘ordinary’ the daddy shift will become….to the point where it is no longer a shift but a way of life.

To help make this change, add your comments here, vote in this blog’s poll, or have a look at my article on the Enterprise Nation website.

Working from home....fathers who break the mould

Working from home can provide a convenient option for juggling work, care and life. But it has its problems too. My article on how fathers can break the status quo by working from home can be viewed on the Enterprise Nation website. Enterprise Nation is a free resource for home businesses.

Any other dads out there who work from home or are thinking of doing so? And mums, what do you think?

Alex Johnson is a dad who works from home. And he certainly has a shedload of tips for others who do the same. Seriously, I mean a shedload.

A mother's care is seen as primary and best

Widespread social attitudes about both work and care are still deeply gendered. The result is that fathers continue to be seen - by others and themselves - as secondary carers for their children. This is the predominant view that was expressed by fathers in my research. A mother's care was often seen as more essential to children - especially infants and young toddlers. Expressions of a mother's care as best were linked to issues of biological reproduction, cultural upbringing, and many fathers feelings of inadequacy as male carers. Despite huge changes in women's rights and gender equalities in the UK, society as a whole still needs to look more honestly at how we box both care and work into gendered roles.

Modern fathers struggle to provide ‘the whole package’

“The dad that always goes out to work …(…)… definitely wouldn’t have a relationship with the kids … you know, would just provide money and that would be it.

Where now, … it’s different. In that you’re trying to be a whole package …(…)…you’re trying to be there for them and you’re trying to provide for them … not only financially but you know emotionally, physically. You just, you try to be the complete and whole package, and I think that to me is a perfect father.”

Quote from Nigel (31), father of 3


Further details from my research can be found on the About page of this blog. More information will be added soon.

Pansy fathers?

Today's Virgin Media homepage features 'Not so tough guys: when action heroes turn pansy'. Listing a number of action hero actors who have opted for parts that see them taking on a male childcare role. Since when was childcare for 'pansies'? Media headlines like these will continue to make it difficult for fathers to become more involved in the care of their children.